Why Iron Man 3 Sucks

The new Iron Man movie was released this Friday. The previous ones had been amazing, if not perfect at pinpointing the actual badassery involved in being a superhero. Iron Man 3 was meant to take it up one level further. It was the struggle against Tony Stark and Iron Man. It was the movie that everyone knew was going to be a blockbuster hit, no matter what. While the latter part remains true, everything else took a backseat.

Obviously, this post is going to have some spoilers. So watch the movie before reading this...or not, 'cause it is kiddy trash. 

ACTING
The movie started with Tony Stark recounting a past event as his iron suits were being blown away in the background. The introductory quote sounded like the writers spent a week trying to say something witty and yet insightful. They failed at both of these attempts. The initial acting from all the actors seemed superficial and completely lacked emotion of any sort. It looked like everyone was trying extra hard to just finish the dialogues and be done with it, go home and watch something better. Well, it will become better once Iron Man comes, right? Who am I kidding, that made it worse, and I thought it was not possible.

THEME

Iron Man 4, coming soon to
theatres near you

Stark is building this prototype suit with little or no armor that he can wear with just the flick of his fingers. The prototype fails, some laughter ensues. Oh, did I tell you, the suit is also capable of being its own handler. It can fly, fight and even protect itself. Not bad for a prototype that is supposed to not quite work, is it? After the creators added everything they thought was cool to the suit, we see a handsome man entering this crappy scenario. He was cool, has awesome hair and wears custom made suits. Everything that warns the viewers that this guy is a douche. He reeks of his own ego and confidence, only to be rejected by Potts.


Now that two characters have had enough screen time, the scene changes to the head is security, a guy who can hardly handle a tablet and sucks at being observant. The very thing he's being paid to do. After a few explosions and some more cool effects, the director thought he could have some fun and relax for some time. The 8 year olds in the theater certainly didn't seem to mind.

Honey, there are more from where these came from

All the while, the henchmen did an excellent job of describing the science beneath the cool...um..things (since they never really explained its implications at all)
Seemed like whenever you got what the thing actually was, the creators changed their powers to make them look more unpredictable when all it did was create cheap surprise tricks.


o.O

Yes, that guy literally pukes fire.

Tony Stark went to extended lengths to charge his suit, even barely escaping from death by a burning woman. And after some time, he had the realization that he had more than a dozen suits which could actually steer themselves. Yeah, Mr Stark, really well thought out plan.



VILLAIN

A really, really good parody

Mandarin, the villain (at least till the point he was the villain), did a pretty crappy job at being a cold hearted tyranious leader and resembled more of someone parodying Bin Laden. He failed to inspire terror, and his one true act of killing was juvenile at best. The mastermind villain was shown to be just a puppet. It was one of the  the biggest bait and switch in the history of overhyped movies. His TV airings were possibly edited by Skrillex holding a spacebar. Mandarin had little to do with the plot and was just present to lure comic fans into sacrificing their earnings to the franchise. The poorly thought out pseudo villain was the biggest let down of the movie for comic book fans. For the rest of us, it was the whole movie.

Suddenly, the suits that were prototypes and laggy, performed split second maneuvers and saved Tony's life.
The reviewers are all giving this movie excellent rating, and I can't help but wonder who's paying them to whitewash the clearly average movie. I can hardly imagine they are watching the same movie as I am. There are fans, and then there are fanboys. This is my reaction to people saying that everyone should enjoy a lighthearted superhero movie:

"What kind of drugs does it take to enjoy this? I've no idea."

Obviously, the movie had its high points, but most of them were unexpectedly so - Pepper falling in the fire was one, Tony Stark saving innocent civilians another,

It was just a mediocre action movie that will be a hit just because it has a high budget, cool explosions and lots of gadgets that would be easy to market. Rober Downey Jr's acting can save only so much of the movie. Oh and yes, in the end, Stark totally destroys the work of his lifetime and kills his badass self to impress Pepper.
In the end, the only thing devoid in the new Iron Man movie was the actual presence of Iron Man.

Share this and spread the word. Save your friends from fake reviews and spending money on a movie that sucks. 

Categories: Movies, Personal